Thursday, August 18, 2011

March was not a good month for me



My Dad passing has been tough. His death effects my Mom and I and also our relationships with others. I'm not going to go into it much but I miss him. I miss how things were. It's only been a little over 4 months. I focus on every 29th of the month because that's the day he died. Some days are worse than others. Most people don't talk about it with me which doesn't help. People are afraid they will hurt your feelings but really you want to talk. For the first few months I cried. Now I don't because I don't want to hurt. He is pictured here with his cat Dutch. Mom says the cats aren't the same. Both miss him as he used to pet them a lot because he sat in his chair a lot.

Not only did my Dad pass in March but a friend and co-worker did too.



In Dec of 2009 Seemann - yes that was his real name - aka CB was taken to the ER. Long story short he had brain cancer. He passed on March 10th.

I miss them both terribly. I went to movies and dinner with CB sometimes. He hosted all of our work parties. He helped me around the house with small things. He even built a beam in my house which I love. Both were people I could count on to help me and they are gone.

6 comments:

  1. Stacy, my mom passed away in November of 2000. She was 61. I remember feeling the way you do. Like the hurt was never going to end. I wanted to talk about it also, but people walked around with kid gloves. I was lucky to have a great friend who I walked with and she let me talk and cry. I was able to reciprocate for her when her mom passed away. The pain does get easier. Mine is not gone after nearly 11 years, but the edges have softened. Take care!

    Hugs,
    Punchy

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  2. I wish we lived closer because Momma would definitely talk to you about things. She said it's the only way to fully process what has happened and that it's very therapeutic. But we live up here and you live down there so in the absence of a road trip, there's always email or a phone call.

    Momma wanted to talk about Stubby all the time after he died and just like you she would focus on the 7th of every month. She would even stop on the 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. week and month anniversary of this death. She would say "Stubby died x weeks (or month) ago." People thought it was strange but that's just how she dealt with it.

    This week Momma has been remembering what they were doing this time last year - the Stubby world tour. Momma stops every day and says "We were visiting Melissa and Emmitt this day" or "This is the day we spent with the Smushies". It saddens her to think it was only a year ago but she has great memories that she will have forever.

    Please continue to talk about your dad and your friend. Our email, phone, and hearts are always open.

    Tiffy

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  3. Oh Stacy!!! (((((((HUG))))))))

    Please know that mom has really good ears and would love to get together with you any time! How about another lunch date or come over for dinner? Just name the date!!!

    Love,
    S-Dog
    (and Laura)

    P.S. Email or FB me and we'll make plans!

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  4. Stacy, I know this year has been so hard on you!! I am hear anytime you want to talk. The phone is always on and the inbox is always open. Please know that we're here for you!! I'm so sorry that you've felt alone.

    ~hugs~

    Jess & Mia

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  5. Stacy,
    I am so sorry that this has been such a tough time for you. I know you are missing your dad and your friend terribly.

    As others have said, I am absolutely here if you wanted to talk. We could email if you wanted. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. I care about your heartache and I pray that time will lessen the sting, even the tiniest bit.

    xoxo
    Kelly (&Pearl)

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  6. I think sometimes people don't know how to respond to talk of grief and loss. They can't do anything to fix it and don't understand that you just need someone to listen, not to solve your problem. I also think that sometimes people are just selfish and don't want to be around sadness. Shame on them, but that's sometimes life. I know that there are times when I avoid certain blogposts or online communities because I can't take the sadness of losing a friend. I come back later to share in the sorrow, but there are those days when I would not be able to handle it.

    Have you considered a support group or therapist? I know there can be a stigma attached in parts of our country. Going to therapy or to a group setting can be healing. You would see a doctor if your heart had physical pain, why not for emotional pain? Support groups can be wonderful because you can see people who have been where you are and are working through it. You get to see that there is a future for you. You can benefit from their experience and help people who come behind you. I know around here, hospitals and churches offer those groups.
    I wish you continued healing. A wound like you have experienced does not heal overnight or even over months. This is a wound that has to heal from the inside out. Those wounds always take the longest to heal.

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